Life....

When did life get so confusing? How do I have this much head and heart space?

I had my first interview yesterday with Point Defiance. I think it went pretty well, though I did fumble on one or two questions. I guess I'll find out next week. Just in case, I'm still applying for jobs here and in Oregon.. and maybe in Cali, if I can find any. It's just really stressful. I'm living at home with my parents. I have 1 1/2 friends here (don't ask..) and no job. All I do is sit at home and watch tv and occasionally work out/go for a walk. I wish I could do all these things, but they either cost money or I need someone to do them with and most of the time that's not gonna happen.

But part of me does like being back here. I love hanging out with the kitties. I love smelling the ocean air and hearing airplanes flying overhead. I love seeing the mountains and the water at once. I love being able to finally hang out with Jess like old times.

Last week I was really struggling with the issue of "where do I live? where do I search for a job?". My main two options were here (well, Seattle/Tacoma area) or Portland area. It's really hard to choose, especially now that I have connections in both places. Last week, I felt like I basically had to choose between 2 people that mean a lot to me. If I choose one place, I'll be far from the other.. and vice-versa. It was at that point where I seriously thought about going abroad for a period of time. Reading "Eat, Pray, Love" really made me want to "run away" from everything and not have to choose. But I highly doubt I'll do that... it's just a thought.

Luckily, this week gave me other struggles to think about. It's kind of a personal issue and I don't want to get hugely into it here. I just don't get why life allows two people to fall in love and then throws them all these awful circumstances and differing opinions to break the relationship. It's like saying "oh you're happy now? well, fine then, here... take this and see if you're still happy. Oh you're not? Too bad...."

I watched my favorite scene in Romeo and Juliet earlier today. That first scene where the two meet... oh my gosh, it just gets me every time. The love at first sight thing... and how infatuated he is with her... how they would give anything to be with each other. I love what Romeo says the first time I sees her. He says "Did my heart love 'til now? ... For I never saw true beauty 'til this night." I wish guys still kinda talked like that. Nowadays they'd probably say "yeah... I'd tap that" or something even more vulgar. It really makes it seem like all guys want is sex and your body, instead of you as a whole. But I guess a lot of things have changed from that time.

Does love really conquer all?